Adiba Khat sees change and continuity in the recent history of Eastern wedding belles.
Young mother Salma Begum, aged 26, has been married for only three years; whereas Khadija Khanom recently celebrated her twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. During the two decades in between their nuptials, East London’s Asian weddings have become far more extravagant. But in other ways, Oriental wedding rituals remain much the same.
The day of Salma’s official engagement was 1 April – at a ‘grand event’ hosted by her family, the date of the actual wedding was fixed. The wedding itself cost a total of £40,000, much more than it would have done 20 years ago. But according to Salma, high spending ‘had already become a trend, so we were only going with it.’
Whereas Salma was 23 when she married, Khadija was five years younger. Ludicrously young, some people might say nowadays; but marrying at 18 – rather than applying for university – was far from exceptional back then.
‘In those days,’ Khadija recalls ‘We were actually brought up to think that when you reach 16 years and above, you will get married soon… we were happy because this was the norm.’
Mrs Khanom’s wedding cost a not-so-grand total of £7,000. Even allowing for inflation, the costs of this relatively modest ceremony do not come close to £40k.
‘My cinifan [engagement] and mehndi [hen party] were very basic. They took place in the house… It wasn’t like nowadays, where clothes have to be matching, it has to be so expensive. This was relatively ordinary, everybody had their own choice, whoever wanted to wear anything – they wore it.’
According to tradition, on her wedding day the bride looks down and behaves in a timid and coy manner. Khadija recalls ‘presenting myself as a bride should be then. Half my face was covered. I wasn’t a dumb bride but I knew what my limits were.’
But things are different in the new century, says Salma.
‘My face was uncovered and I was looking up. I was able to take pictures and smile for the camera which I don’t think was possible 20 years ago. However, when I was taken to the groom’s side, I put on the traditional expressions….but it was my personal choice.’
‘Nowadays,’ she went on, ‘the grooms can even hold their brides!’
Despite changes in spending habits, dresses and female demeanour, Asian weddings continue to serve as a reservoir of family expectations and community aspirations.
Plus ca change…….