In this modest proposal to ban all religious garb, Kay Ayed anticipates her new role as Rising East’s Hijabi Humorist.
We’ve just about had enough of people dressing up religiously. It’s too tiresome, quite frankly, and it makes us feel restricted as a community. I mean, how can you feel free when everyone believes different things and we are home to a society where each person tolerates the differences of the other? A nightmare, if you ask me.
Recently, the head teacher of a school in north-east France was obliged to ban a student from class not once, but twice for her ‘conspicuously’ religious clothing. Outrageous! First they come to secular countries, and then they wear religious clothes! What next?
This needs to stop. People must be warned about the danger of these clothes, since they pose a serious threat to established custom and practice in the secular West. After all, a secular community is not one where everyone believes what they want to believe – that is a silly misunderstanding. Instead it must be understood as a community where nobody is allowed to believe what we don’t want them to.
In accordance with this principle, here is a list of garments which every school, organisation, committee, institution and company in every country needs to ban. Why? Because these garments are so obviously religious.
- The Maxi
In fashion or not, this trend has the sly intention of turning people towards religion due to its long and modest nature. Whatever they are – maxi skirts, maxi dresses, maxi cardigans – DO NOT wear these if you believe in equal rights and a free, secular country.
- Baggy Pants.
Come on, can you not see that wearing loose-fitting trousers basically screams out verses from the Quran and volumes of other Islamic books? I’m not surprised! Harem pants originate from religious countries in the Middle East, like Syria – and even the word Harem is Arabic! A big no-no.
- Scarves and Snoods
And by scarves I mean all sorts – thick, woolly winter scarves as well as light chiffons for Spring. Why is it so hard to see how religiously affiliated these garments are? They are centimetres away from being worn to cover the head. Now, a truly wise country won’t allow their laws to be mocked like that. If it’s not revealing enough, it’s not secular enough.
- Bandanas and Headbands.
Now these are extremely close to being the head garment nuns wear whilst worshiping Christ. I’m sure the last thing any level-headed citizen wants is to have these subliminal messages taking over their right to be free of religion.
In order to fully secularise (sic) this country, we must remove any item of clothing that carries religious connotations. Even if such messages are subliminal, they still have serious effects. The only option is to take such garments out of the shops altogether.
Just the sound of that makes me feel safer.