Honorary Degrees Awarded On 1st April

The Hackney Miscarriage looks askance at the new laureates of the University of East London as listed today only.

What do rap legend Dizzie Rascal and EastEnders star Barbara Windsor have in common, apart from now being wealthy enough to purchase the East London house they were born in? Would you have guessed that they hold honorary doctorates from the University of East London? There are further surprises on the latest list of honorary awards, released on 1 April.

Danny Dyer receives honorary foundation degree in Journalism

Danny, a native of Canning Town, has been recognised by the University for his ground breaking Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men. Dyer receives an honorary foundation in Journalism. The documentary features Dyer squinting his way through meetings with the likes of Loyalist ‘hard men’ and SAS operatives. Danny will take off his hard hat to don a mortarboard.

Russell Brand given honorary teaching degree in secondary English. 

Is Brand a true social justice activist that’s captured the generational zeitgeist, or a comedian who’s exceeded the remit of that title? One thing that’s broadly agreed is his knowledge of the Oxford thesaurus. This walking jukebox of synonyms aims to stick it to the man and start a full blown revolution; or perhaps his real service to society is to act as a highly effective warning on how not to use the English language as a tool for communication.

Boris Johnson honored with BSc in fitness and health

The amount of alcohol it takes to reason renting a ‘Boris bike’ is a good idea, negates any health benefit you’d get from peddling it; or the walk home after finding all the bike stations are full. But getting a city of near alcoholics and steak-munching business men to take some energy from their thighs rather than the national grid, shouldn’t go un-noticed. The Mayor himself can often be seen struggling with gentle inclines around Westminster and the South Bank.

Ray Winstone handed degree in electrical engineering

Actor Ray Winstone once appeared in an insurance advert dressed as a Napoleonic soldier in the Napoleonic Era, but Homerton’s finest still managed to play it like an East London gangster. The Vice Chancellor had run out of honorary degrees at this point, and was forced to decide between spending £2.50 on printing credit or a BLT for lunch – that is, until under his desk he found a degree in electrical engineering from a previous graduation ceremony. Winstone said he was over the moon: ‘I would never have had a bang on me getting a degree.’