And it wasn’t as scary as you’d think.
Although 50 Shades of Grey has shone a little light on the BDSM community, much of it still remains underground. I always thought that you had to know the right people to enter the BDSM scene. But it turns out that a simple Google search will show you almost every event going on in the city, along with an open invitation.
So, I thought I would see what was going on in the East London Kink community, and it seems like a lot goes on in the local circle, from almost daily Munches (chatty meet ups) all the way to once-a-month mummification workshops.
I had to check it out. There was no excuse anymore. BDSM was happening, and it was happening under my nose. A Munch was planned in Greenwich and I plucked up the courage to go.
I think many people shy away from the kink community, because they believe that they are not alternative enough. I thought that there would be people there in leather and spandex, looking at me as if I was just another “vanilla”.
The penny dropped as I walked towards the pub. I was really going to meet the sort of people that I had admired for years. My hands shook and I felt sweat trickle down my spine.
If I had hoped they would be totally Other, this was not to be. Instead they were sat in the corner of the pub, about 10 people, in jeans and t-shirts. Just normal people.
They greeted me warmly and bought me a drink, and then began asking me questions. It was a little daunting to start off with. But they assured me that I didn’t have to answer anything which I didn’t feel comfortable with.
I told them about how I became interested in kink and was shocked and delighted to hear stories very similar to mine from around the table. We spoke about how society makes interest in kink seem dirty and off putting, and how we can overcome that.
It was so refreshing to be around a group of people who were so open about their personal lives. Their openness made me feel comfortable enough to ask my own questions.
I was shown a belt which can become handcuffs, I was invited to a kink market and told that I just had to come along to a club called Antichrist. Invitations to cunnilingus seminars and puppy playpens were extended. This was a whole new world, and I was welcome to join.
Once conversations on flogging and aftercare were out of the way, we seemed like any other group of people meeting for a drink. There was talk of movies and music and you forgot, for a moment, why we were all there.
I went into this meeting with the idea that it would make or break my interest in kink. Either I would find it intimidating and off-putting, or my curiosity would be inflamed, pushing me deeper into the scene.
After an initial encounter, let’s just say I feel encouraged to meet more people who live this lifestyle.
On this first showing, BDSM isn’t as scary as you think.
BDSM Glossary
BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. (BDSM often includes acts of Dominance and Submission)
Kink – Bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences
Munch – A chatty meetup of people in the BDSM community
Vanilla – A person not interested in BDSM
Puppy playpen – A place where people who dress up as puppies, to engage in a pet/master relationship can play together.