Throw out all your preconceptions about men and women, urges Miss Carrot.
So I read an article the other day about how being a man is changing. Of course it is, because being a woman is changing. Yes, I most surely believe these two issues are very much linked.
The article was written by a man who was going on about how difficult it is for his men friends to show their emotions, and this causes pressure which further causes them to end up being diagnosed with depression far more often than women.
I mean the wrong expectations are everywhere, and we need to stop them now. The traditional norms are killing us.
However, I believe once things are sorted in the sisterhood, men will more or less be sorted. At least they will be on the right road. Because, believe me it has to be women setting the standard on where and when there is gender stereotyping. That’s because we have been forced to experience so much of it.
You’re not old enough, but I remember those magazine articles from not that long ago. “Are you feminine enough?” “Do you keep up your daintiness at all times?” And “Can you wear slacks or shorts and still be girlish? If not, don’t do it.”
Ladies: we have moved a long way… or so I hope. Then again, when 90 per cent of my Instagram discover feed is about couture make up, I have my doubts.
My point is there isn’t a specific way of being a woman! Nor how to be a man! Once we leave the norms behind, we can start to save ourselves by behaving as we wish. Women can take a break from how to be a good woman, and men can stop worrying about whether they are the real thing (come to think of it, may be some of them should worry a bit more).
That’s the general message. When we get to the specifics, obviously the boys have much further to go. Sorry, chaps.
The article about the woes experienced by today’s men reminded me of two problems we are facing at the moment: (1) men who have a very confused idea of masculinity and (2) women who think they have the absolutely the right idea of what constitutes femininity. The point is that men who don’t know the answer should lie back and enjoy the fact that there isn’t one. Meanwhile, women must stop trying to impose stereotypes on each other – and learn to love our differences, instead.
My best friend is a lawyer and she is pretty much financially supporting her daydreaming husband (yeah, he is an artist). She also goes to work wearing baggy jeans and doesn’t give a dime about coloring her stray white hairs. She would rather talk politics or work than make-up and cakes… not even carrot cakes. Yikes!
Samira, my career focused aunt is in her 30-somethings, and still gets *vomit* attacks when she sees a pregnant belly. Settling down and creating a family is not what she broods about. But she enjoys baking cakes (mostly carrot cakes) and enjoys spending weekends gossiping with her ‘girl crew’ over multiple glasses of wine. She is frequently books appointments at her beauty saloon and never leaves the house without lipstick, and every time we’re out clubbing (I know, but only occasionally) she taunts by saying: “a real woman can walk in heels.”
Joanna just moved back from Dubai after working for several years as a cabin crew member, spending her time shopping for expensive brands and travelling around the world pretty much for free. She moved back to London for a man, a man that she loves. She left her independence and glamorous Dubai life to become a housewife, in a one-bedroom apartment somewhere in Kensington. The thing is… she is happy cooking food, styling the living room and attending an evening course in interior design (just for fun). She tells me joyfully that her next step will be a cooking course, because her boyfriend doesn’t think she is a good enough in their kitchen.
Maria who wears a hijab, has more than 30k Instagram followers. Most of her images are “selfies” from different angles, followed with comments raising awareness of black feminism and hijab wearing beauties.
So all these ladies have one thing in common, they are all feminists. A representation of female power, a part of the chain of sisterhood, upholders of the right to be whoever the hell you want to be.
I think we need to shake off our preconceptions of both womanhood and masculinity, of who is a bad man/woman or who qualifies as a good one.
Just keep fighting for equal rights to choose what we want to do, and with time things will start to fall into place.
Meanwhile, eat some carrots!
Miss Carrot has been talking to Nika Jazaee.