Men And Women: Striving For Balance

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East London’s female singer-songwriter Malunga Yese tries to find equilibrium in modern man’s shifting identity.

I remember arguing with my partner and out of frustration dedicating the song ‘Stronger than me’ by Amy Winehouse to him. The lyrics go as follows: ‘You should be stronger than me, you’ve been here seven years longer than me, don’t you know you’re supposed to be the man’.

Looking back on it, subconsciously I must have been sticking to the old-fashioned belief that men should be ‘stronger’ and in all areas of life’s ups and downs. This is obviously impossible and not fair. I think times have changed and old traditions should be thrown away; but not completely as some of gentlemanly qualities and protectiveness of the man back in the good old days, I quite like.

However now that more women are now earning more, running their own business and gaining greater independence, it naturally means that the man’s role has shifted. Previously the man was the breadwinner but if women are seen to be bringing home more bread, where does that leave the man? The internal pressures which men put on themselves to be strong, I think actually make them weak.

The sexuality of men is also constantly questioned in today’s world and I think the reason for this is because there are too many blurred lines. It’s a little scary to think that maybe one day we might look and not be able to distinguish men from women, now that men are seen to be playing around with femininity a lot more. I think this can also be a little confusing. Some people have floated the idea of not having to tick the gender boxes on questionnaires so that no need be made to feel uncomfortable, but is this maybe a step too far? Men these days are allowed to be well groomed and have jobs that are typically meant for women such as cook, interior designer and fashion consultant.

Examples such as Jamie’s At Home or Grand Designs show more and more men in a light that is more flattering. The modern man is allowed to express himself in whatever way he pleases and that I believe is fair. Men I feel are encouraged to open up more about their emotions and there are more groups that cater to the needs of men. Yet although things are moving forward, society can’t help but refer back to the past representations of men and messages from music, sports and magazines are subliminally telling not just men but all of us that we must think, act and represent ourselves in a ‘manly’ or more ‘womanly’ fashion.

Yet again the issue I think lies with the media. I now realise that my idea and thoughts on men and what they are meant to be, were not my own but were passed on through generations, traditions, media and even religion. The family setting also plays a big part in this. Raising a boy means if you fall down and hurt yourself, get back up and be strong, don’t cry…man up! On the other hand raising the girl means play with this doll wear pink, cry and act up for attention. Over and over the patterns are imprinted on us all and this happens before we even know it.

To conclude it’s clearly up to us to re-educate and to rewire our brains. Play on strengths not on weakness male or female…balance is the answer.

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