The UK definition of child abuse is not the same the whole world over, notes Schahrazade Halfaoui.
‘I don’t want to say that I suffered it, because I wanted it.’
So said Rita Ora in a quote from a TV interview which has recently re-appeared in Hot Right Now, the newly published, unauthorised biography of the singer and X-Factor judge.
She was talking about herself as a 14-year-old having sex with a man of 26. As quoted in the biography by Douglas Wright and Jenn Wiley, which has been serialised in the Sun on Sunday, Ms Ora acknowledges that what happened to her would be seen as child abuse, but insists that ‘I don’t want people to think I was abused.’
When they re-surfaced in a popular Sunday paper, these comments provoked outrage. But we should acknowledge that what constitutes child abuse is subject to particular cultural norms. For example, in the Arab culture which I was born into, it has been the norm for older men to marry young girls. My grandmother was 13 when she married my 24-year-old grandfather: he respected her and they are still together; they have lived a married life full of fun and dedication to each other.
Rita Ora is a Kosovar of Albanian origin. She and her parents arrived in Britain as refugees when she was one-year-old. Perhaps her family’s cultural background has prompted her to interpret her early sexual experience in this way. Certainly there are many families in East London who are not going to see such behaviour as a sex crime.
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with a significantly older man marrying or dating a younger woman, as long as neither side objects.
Being brought up in an environment like the UK where this is generally considered wrong, will make it seem repulsive and perverted. But please note that it is acceptable in other countries, and in those countries no one finds it weird.
I hope that the tolerance Britain is famous for extends to recognition that not all cultures regard relations between grown men and teenage girls with the same level of suspicion and disgust.